1. The Slightly Older Rebel: Whether we’re talking “was in standard classes to your AP classes” or “suspended for smoking weed up against the NO SMOKING IN SCHOOL ZONE sign” depends on you. Regardless, your parents did not care for him. He probably introduced you to at least one significant cultural thing you now love, like Freaks and Geeks or an obscure ’70s band. You mostly did it because your parents did not care for him, though.
2. The Senior Prom Date: Your high school boyfriend who wore a puka shell necklace. You made him wait for “full sex” until that weekend at the beach house after prom. He was either the same height as or shorter than you. It was over in two seconds. H.A.G.S.!
3. The Welcome Week Guy: The first week of college, it still hasn’t happened yet, and you are around a brand new set of guys to consider as potential virginity-takers. You choose the one who helped you make your first waffle-with-the-school-initial on it. After it happens, you text a little bit but basically never see him again.
4. The Frat Party Rando: Senior year of high school or freshman year of college, you start going to parties at the local state school — and wind up hooking up with a Solo-cup-toting stranger on the bed where all the coats are. It’s extra nerve-racking because anyone could run upstairs to get their North Face and catch you ass-naked.
5. The Guy Who Becomes Your Boyfriend After You Lose Your Virginity to Him Because It Seems Like the Right Thing to Do: Eventually you realize you have nothing to talk about. And he says he “itches” himself instead of “scratches” himself. Why did this seem like a good idea again?
6. The Sporty Guy Who Has Great Abs But Nothing Else: You figure, hey, the first time’s always awkward. May as well bypass the skinny adolescent man-boys in favor of delts on a platter. But he tells all his friends on the wrestling team and pretty soon you have an unpleasant nickname.
7. The Best Guy Friend Who You Got Drunk With and Then Things Got Awkward: He’s probably been in love with you for years, admit it. You avoid each other’s eyes for the rest of the year. All your friends think you’re going to end up together, la Dawson and Joey and/or Harry and Sally, but … no, thank you.
8. The Guy From Another School: He’s a Guy From Another School! You’re basically having sex with a martian. It’s almost cheating. You don’t even have to tell anyone, if you don’t want to.